Your Questions Answered
What are some books that we would recommend on Women's sexuality?
As an OB-Gyn nurse practitioner I see many women of all ages with the problem of low libido and how it can negatively affect relationships. The American Psychiatric Association has termed the diagnosis “Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder” (HSDD) which in recent studies has estimated to inflict 33-43% of American women and 17-31% of American men.
The two following books I would recommend for anyone looking to change her sex life in a positive, empowering way while in conjunction learning more about herself as a woman and as a sexual partner.
The Busy Couple’s Guide to Great Sex: The medically proven program to boost low libido, including the new sex hormone diet. Written by Rallie McAllister, MD, MPH, MSEH.
As a family physician, this author addresses the epidemic of low libido and offers a medically proven program to restore a healthy sex life. She cites potential causes including medical diseases, medications, lifestyle choices, testosterone, lowering artificial sweeteners, and unhealed pain of childhood trauma, to name a few. McAllister helps the reader identify libido zappers. As well, she spends chapters on the anatomical and physiological differences between the male and female brain and subsequent sexual differences.
McAllister offers hope in her review of basic lifestyle changes that can redeem sexual fitness. She reviews benefits of exercise as well as nutritious foods that support sexual enhancement including a sex hormone diet meal plan. She acknowledges changes in relationships over time and children and offers strategies to enhance the romance in the relationship.
The book was very interesting and an enjoyable read, as the author included personal experiences of real people. For instance, one of the most common questions she’s encountered as a physician listening to her patients encompasses the stressful problem of men and women not being in a sexual mood simultaneously. Many times her patients describe their problem in a negative light, i.e., What’s wrong when you’re not in the mood; he wants sex and you don’t. She suggests changing the question to, What would it take to put me in the mood to make love. In this manner, the question is asked in a positive way, an empowering way, and acknowledging the desire hidden behind it.
For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality, by Lonnie Barbach, PhD. (Also the bestselling author of For Each Other.)
This is a historical book, first published in 1976. It was then revised in 2000. Lonnie Barbach is well-known for her work with women in pursuit of sexual liberation. At a time when traditional psychology viewed an orgasm as a symptom of an underlying psychiatric problem and a manifestation of a deeper emotional dysfunction, this psychologist specializing in sex therapy debunked the theory. Barbach took women out of individual counseling sessions and worked with them together in “pre-orgasmic women’s groups.”
Through a series of exercises, the women in the group learned how to orgasm. They gave personal accounts of their experiences as well as how it had a positive effect on their ability to control other aspects of their lives, improve their self-images, sexual satisfaction, and personal relationships.
The author’s intent was also to educate women about female sexuality. She reviewed the steps of the sexual response cycle, anatomy of the female sexual organ – the clitoris, the benefits of masturbation and barriers to enjoyment of sexual satisfaction and how to overcome those barriers. Women were encouraged to involve themselves in open communication about their experiences with their partners. Exercises were discussed that can be done with partners that may or may not include intercourse as the finale.
Sexual liberation is about taking control of your life. Feeling secure about yourself helps one to decrease fear of others. With greater self-respect and less fear, there is room for greater respect for others and their right to be themselves.
Maribeth Quinn, CNM
Harbour Women’s Health